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  “Say what?” I said.

  Jan grinned. “When somebody does something that messes up my school, I teach them a lesson. I turn them into a gel pad and stick them in my shoes. Right now, Cindy Love is in my right shoe due to that heart she drew on the wall. That big bully, Tony Wall, is in my left shoe due to dropping papers all over the school. The kid doesn’t seem to care.” Jan reached down and pulled off her right shoe. There inside was a flattened little blond girl, Cindy Love.

  “Jan please put your shoe back on,” I asked.

  Jan laughed. “Yeah, they can pack quite the kick. You're lucky you’re super or you probably would have been out for the count.”

  “How long do you keep people in your shoes?”

  “Just a couple of hours to teach them a lesson. They don’t remember anything once I turn them back. They just know not to litter or clutter the school again. It’s really a human service,” Jan insisted.

  “Ah, okay,” I said. I noticed my hiccups had stopped. “Hey, I’m okay now!"

  Jan smiled. “Yeah, you’ve calmed down.”

  “Do you have some magic that can keep me calm?” I asked her.

  “I do. It’s the best magic of all.” Jan put her hand on my shoulder. She looked me in the eyes. “Just trust yourself. You’re a good kid. You’re smart, and you try to do the right thing. Just tell your classmates that and you’ll be fine.”

  “Really?” I said.

  Jan shrugged, “I sure hope so. If not, just hit them all with a super fart and none of them will remember a thing when they come to,” Jan laughed, leading me to the door. “Now get back and give them a great speech. Knock em dead! Just figuratively of course!”

  I skulked back into the auditorium as Wendi gave her speech. She must have been talking for a few minutes already but that didn’t stop her from rambling on. She talked about her accomplishments, being a class homecoming queen, being a straight-A student, being the star of the LAX team. How she could help lead our school into even better times. She would work on longer lunch breaks, improving the boys’ LAX teams, and getting a student lounge. She concluded that she was the only person to lead our class. She did mention that I was so afraid to speak I was probably in the bathroom crying.

  The class laughed. I fought back the urge to remove my shoes and clobber them all with super foot odor.

  VP MACadoo took the podium and introduced me.

  I stood up. I walked slowly to the podium. “Thank you VP MACadoo,” I said. I saw Jason give me a thumbs up. I turned to my classmates.

  “My fellow classmates. What can I say? I’m not perfect like Wendi. I don’t have perfect hair or the perfect complexion. I have bad hair days. I get zits. I get nervous when I’m about to speak in front of a bunch of people. So, if you want somebody perfect, you really should vote for Wendi. But, if you want somebody who can relate to you and will be there for you, please vote for me. I may not be the best, but I do promise I will have all of your best interests at heart. Thank you.”

  I walked off of the podium, and the class started to clap. I smiled.

  VP MACadoo took the podium. “Well, students, you’ve heard the candidates, and you may all vote before leaving the auditorium. Votes need to be handed to Miss Mayfield on your way out. She will be doing the counting.”

  I glanced towards the school administrator, Miss Mayfield, and realized that my fate was in her hands.

  As I sat down, the reality of the situation hit me. I leaned into Jason. “Wait, the vote is today?”

  He smiled. “Yes, and you did great.”

  Dear Diary: Fighting a group of super clones and drones was nearly as nerve-racking as having to speak in front of my class. I did my best. I just had to hope the class related to me.

  Speech Wrapped

  At the end of the day, both Jason and I were getting ready to leave school.

  “Lia wait!” I heard a voice call.

  I saw Steve running towards me. “Lia! You won!” he said.

  “Won what?” I asked.

  “Class president!” Steve said. “I’m in charge of tabulating the vote since I’m so good with numbers. You won by over 20 votes. It won’t be announced until the morning, but I wanted to tell you.”

  “Gee thanks, Steve, I really appreciate it.”

  Jason and I headed out of the school with Steve walking with us. “Ah, Steve, don’t you live on the other side of town?” I asked.

  “Yes, I do. But I like the extra walk, it’s good for me. I’m in great shape you know. I run cross-country. Plus, since I’m class treasurer and class secretary we’ll be working together this year.”

  “That’s nice,” I said.

  “So I thought it would be fun if I got to know you better.”

  We walked on for a while. With Steve asking me everything from my favorite color to my favorite food, to my favorite author, to my favorite show. He asked me a lot of stuff.

  Jason answered most of the questions for me. I believe Jason wanted to prove that he knew me better than anybody. I’m not totally sure, but I may have detected a bit of jealousy on Jason’s part. He didn’t appreciate another boy butting in on his time.

  Steve stopped walking with us. His eyes glazed over. “I just remembered,” he said slowly. “I have to go home now and wash my underwear. After all, I’ve worn this underwear all week now.”

  Steve turned and ran off.

  “Did you make him say that?” Jason asked.

  “Ah, no,” I said. “Though it was tempting….”

  “I did!” A voice said from above.

  Looking up, I saw a cute boy with curly red hair and big green eyes floating in a tree above us. He slowly lowered himself to the ground. He held out his hand. “Lia Strong, I am Zeekee Zaxxx from the planet ZZZ-333, and I need your help!”

  Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any more interesting, it did!

  The end, for now….

  Many thanks to our readers and editors: Tayah, Kristin, and Ruby!

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  John Zakour is a humor / SF / fantasy writer with a Master's degree in Human Behavior. He has written thousands of gags for syndicated comics, comedians and TV shows (including Simpsons and Rugrats, and Joan River's old TV show.)

  John has been a contributor to Nickelodeon magazine writing Fairly Odd Parents, Rugrats and Jimmy Neutron comic books. John currently writes Bart Simpsons comics for Bongo comics.

  In the 80's and 90’s, John was a computer programmer and web guru for Cornell University and was also an EMT and judo instructor. J
ohn currently lives in upstate NY with his wife, a professor at Cornell University. The two of them have one son, a student at Cornell. For exercise, John plays softball, is a competitive pickleball player and javelin thrower, and still hits his punching bag daily. To relax, John likes to play World of Warcraft, watch TV and do Tai Chi.

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  She lives in the beautiful coastal town of Noosa in Australia and has 2 grown-up children. Check out her other books at

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