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My Crazy Life
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Nina
The Friendly Vampire
Book 1
My Crazy Life
Katrina Kahler and John Zakour
Copyright © KC Global Enterprises Pty Ltd
All Rights Reserved
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Rude Awakening
Chapter 2: Family Chat
Chapter 3: Meeting the Locals
Chapter 4: Bussing
Chapter 5: School Rules
Chapter 6: Hanging Around
Chapter 7: Detention Attention
Chapter 8: Walking the walk
Chapter 9: Woods, Mummies and Marshmallows
Chapter 10: Friends…
Chapter 11: Schooling
Chapter 12: Allies
Chapter 13: The talk
Chapter 14: The Clash
Chapter 15: Girls’ Night Out
Chapter 16: The Big Clash
Chapter 17: No Words
Chapter 18: Monday Morning
Chapter 1: Rude Awakening
“Nina, Ms. Nina, please awaken,” I heard a voice interrupting the sweet slumber of my sleep. “Today is the first day at your new school here in Lowville, I am sure you do not wish to miss the bus,” the voice insisted.
I pulled the covers over my head. “I need more sleep! I’m not ready for school yet, especially a new school…” I groaned.
“Ms. Nina, I am afraid I am here to wake you,” the voice said.
As I lay there under the covers something occurred to me. I had no idea who this voice belonged to. It was not my mom, my dad, my brother Frank, or my Aunt Mika. It also wasn’t my dead Grandma, which was surprising, because Grandma loved waking me in the morning. When you’re an ex-gypsy queen like Grandma you don’t let a little thing like being dead stop you.
Nina Note: Yeah, when you’re half vampire on your mom’s side and half weretiger on your dad’s, and your dad also happens to be a crazy mad scientist...your life certainly isn’t normal. Well, it kind of is normal, just your normal is different from everybody else’s normal; if you know what I mean.
It’s funny; pretty much everybody has heard of werewolves, they get all the press and the movies. But weretigers are actually more powerful. After all, a tiger can take out a wolf any day. I know they say lions are the kings of beasts, but in reality and in nature when a tiger and lion clash, the tiger will come out on top more often than not. Truthfully, not even grizzly bears can stand up to tigers. In Russia, tigers would often hunt bears. Tigers are the top predators bar none.
I leapt up from my bed. There, standing at my bedside, just looking at me, stood a white bandage-wrapped mummy. “You’re a mummy!” I said. Okay, not the wittiest opening line, but I was really surprised.
“Actually, being a male, I’m more of a deady,” he joked, bursting into laughter.
I groaned.
“Are you a good mummy or a bad mummy?” I asked. “I know your sense of humor is bad...”
Grandma appeared above me just floating there, all transparent. “Honey, he’s in light-colored clean bandages - therefore he’s a good mummy.”
I slid down off from the bed. “Right. I knew that!” I said.
Nina Note: Not so good mummies are wrapped in dirt-covered bandages that have turned brown throughout the ages. You can usually smell a bad mummy from 100 yards away. Which is good cause you don’t want one of those sneaking up on you.
The mummy extended a bandaged arm and hand. “Mumford at your service, ma’am!” he said.
I shook his hand. “Ah, nice to meet you, Mumford,” I said. “Why are you here?”
“I thought it was obvious. I am here to wake you for your first day in the new school. Well, actually, the school is old. It is only new to you,” Mumford added.
Releasing his hand, I asked, “Why are you in my house?”
“Well, under the cover of night I came in via the secret passage to your dad’s lab,” he said.
Grandma hovered over to him. “Mumford, honey bunny, I think my granddaughter wants to know what your overall purpose is in this house.”
I could see his eyes pop open through the slits in his wrapping. “Oh, that is easy.” He stood with his arms behind his back. He grinned. “I am here to be your family’s personal assistant! I know this town well, so I can also be your guide to what to do and not to do. I know all the best pizza places. Truthfully there are only three. I know a plumber who actually returns calls within a day. I have a great taco recipe. I am very good at first aid. I am a fairly good movie critic. I know HTML and JAVA. I am great at cleaning…”
“Okay, I get the picture,” I said.
He raised a finger. “Yes, I am also great with selfies!”
My brother Frank rushed into my room. “Hey Nixy, have you meant Mumford?”
Nina Note: Nixy is my nickname, I don’t love it, but I let my family call me that. The name dates back to when I was a kid. Mom says I used to “nix” everything.
I pointed at Mumford and said, “He’s standing right in front of me.”
“So that’s a yes. Right?” Frank said.
“Yes, bro,” I said.
Frank laughed. “I’m excited about our new school! Are you excited about our new school?”
I shrugged. “I guess.”
“Mumford says I am so tall and strong that the school coach will love having me on the Fighting Badgers baseball and basketball teams!” Frank said.
Mumford nodded. “Yes. He will.”
Nina Note: Yeah, Frank is only 13, so he’s a year and a half younger than me, but he is really tall, six feet six inches of solid muscle. You see, Dad actually created baby Frank in his lab and he used all the best genes from himself and Mom. They did it because they wanted me to have a playmate and something about Mom being a vampire meant that she could only have one child. Not sure why...I was just a kid at the time. I’ve always thought of Frank as my normal, annoying little brother. Most girls think he’s dreamy because he’s tall and handsome...and really nice. I guess if you like that sort of thing.
“Okay!” I shouted. “All of you guys beat it! Please get out of my room! I want to get ready for the bus and school in peace.”
Mumford bowed to me. “My job here is done.”
He walked out of my room and asked Frank. “Do you need me to do anything for you?”
“Do you know how to make a behind-the-back pass?” Frank asked.
“Yes, yes I do,” Mumford replied.
Frank jumped up and down. “Great! Can you show me before school? We can practice in the garage gym!”
“Young Frank, do you think it’s wise to get sweaty right before the first day of school?” Mumford asked.
Frank lifted up his arms and sniffed himself. “I do smell pretty good now.”
Mumford patted him on the back. “Let’s keep it that way. I can teach you over the weekend.”
“Great!” Frank said as he and Mumford walked away.
“I never thought they’d leave!” Grandma said floating down to my bed. “Are you excited about the new school? I bet there will be a lot of cute boys there!”
I sniffed myself. Whoa! Definitely not a pleasant scent. “Wow, I really have to take a shower before school. I am near lethal.”
“Actually, being half vampire and half
weretiger, your sweat can be hypnotic to normal humans!” Grandma said with a grin. “You might want a little sweat.”
I stretched and headed towards my bathroom. “Sorry Grandma, I don’t want to stink.”
“In that case, use some mouthwash too! I’ve met dragons with less deadly breath than yours!”
I walked into the bathroom and shut the door.
Grandma stuck her head through the door. “And vampire breath can be deadly.”
“I know! Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it!” Pointing away from the bathroom, I ordered, “Now give me some privacy!”
“Oh, I get it! You want to poop!” Grandma said.
“Out!” I screamed.
“Really, honey, it’s a natural process. All living things do it. I miss it cause I found it to be a great time to read...”
“Out!” I repeated.
Grandma grinned. “You don’t have to tell me three times!” She pulled her head back away from the door.
Finally, I was alone. I loved my family. Mumford certainly seemed pleasant enough, but wow, I needed some alone time. Looking in the bathroom mirror, I gave myself the once over. I thought I looked acceptable, especially for first thing in the morning. Being a mix of vampire and weretiger gave me naturally tan skin and long thick hair. I had one blue eye and one brown eye. That freaked some people out, while it amazed others. Luckily, my metabolism made me immune to zits. One of the good things about being a monster.
Truthfully, being a monster, especially being a monster mix, was a pretty sweet deal. I had all the powers of a vampire: strength, speed, hypnotic voice, scent, and all the agility and claws of a weretiger. Plus, I could actually transform into a half-person half-tiger creature that was an amazing fighter. Instead of needing to drink blood (gross) I craved tomato juice. Instead of turning into a weretiger on a full moon, my legs and arms would get extra hairy. I could go through a razor a day during a full moon cycle. Still, it wasn’t bad at all.
I saw something behind me. At least I thought I did. A glimpse of a something bright and shiny. I shot around. Thousands of pieces of tiny Glitter swirled around and after a few second the Glitter pieces settled into something that seemed to have a head, two long arms, and legs.
The Glittery being pointed at me, Glitter flew from its fingers. “You will dance a jig for me!” the shape commanded.
The Glitter hit me. For a second, I actually felt like dancing a jig.
Taking a deep breath, I concentrated. My fingers turned into claws. “Nope, sorry, nobody tells me when to dance,” I said.
I heard laughter ringing in my head. “Oh poor girl, you have no choice.”
Showing the Glitter thing my claws I said. “I always have a choice!”
Lunging forward I swiped at the Glitter creature. My claws harmlessly passed through it.
Swinging at the Glitter shape again...my hand passed through it.
“Ha! You cannot harm us,” the Glitter thing said in my head. Funny thing was, its voice was quivering. I think I had hurt it.
The weird Glitter thing extended it arms towards me. I slashed both of its arms away with my left hand. Leaping forward I slashed the head of the Glitter thing with my right hand, claws extended.
The creature screamed inside my brain.
“Arrurghghgghhr!”
My body fought off the urge to shake. I slashed, again and again, chipping away at the Glitter shape.
“Being a vampire and weretiger mix, I never tire!” I told the Glitter thing.
The Glitter thing pulled in its arms and legs becoming a pulsating blob floating above me.
“We find you to be repulsive!”
“What we? Are you the queen of England or something?” I taunted. I had the upper hand. I felt good about myself.
“We are a collective mind. We are many who work as one.”
“Nice motto,” I said. “But I’m not impressed.”
Darting towards me the Glitter shape screamed in my brain, “YOU MUST DO WHAT WE SAY!”
I exhaled on it.
The shadow stopped in its tracks. It started dissipating, getting thinner and thinner. In my head, I heard, “T h e r e w i l l b e m o r e….” The sound faded as the shadow faded.
“I really do have terrible breath!” I said.
I headed downstairs. Sure, I wasn’t ready for school yet, but I had hoped Mom and Dad could explain to me if what I think just happened here, actually did just happened.
Nina Note: Grandma, on occasion, would tell me stories of these Glitter shapes that she called Glitters. I pretty much thought they were just wild and wacky tales that grandma would tell to entertain us. According to her, the Glitters are always around humans trying to convince them to do bad, naughty and funny things. She says they are by far the most annoying and pesky monsters. The weaker the human’s mind, the easier it is for the Glitters to get them to do their bidding. Grandma always insisted most monsters were on this Earth to help humans by defeating the Glitters, which is kind of ironic cause most humans think monsters are bad and evil and nasty. And yeah, there are some monsters that are bad. But monsters are like people; they come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them are cool (literally when talking about snow monsters) and some are just stupid and naughty. Most have some good points, some okay points, and a few bad points. None of them are perfect and they are different. Really, monsters are just people too. We just have a few special abilities. It was nice to know that grandma wasn’t crazy, well, at least not when it came to the Glitters.
Chapter 2: Family Chat
When I got downstairs my entire family sat around the kitchen table. Dad called this our ‘daily chat and communication time’. Mumford served Frank a stack of pancakes that had to be a dozen high. He had bacon and sausage loaded on the side. Frank picked up the syrup, licked his lips, and started pouring and pouring.
“Honey, that’s enough,” Mom told him. She sipped on her coffee. “Ahhh...coffee brings me to life!” she said.
My Aunt Mika just finished applying flesh-colored makeup to cover her greenish skin. She turned to me and smiled. “How do I look honey? Do I still look like a zombie?”
I shook my head. “Nope, you look almost alive,” I said.
“Good,” Aunt Mika said. “I’ve got a job interview today.”
“Really, sis?” Dad asked, his eyebrow raised. “But I thought your rock music career was going well. I know your last single had a lot of downloads.”
Mika nodded. “True, but I need a steady income. Most zombies lust for brains; I lust for cash.”
Finally, grandma noticed me. “Nixy, honey, you look like you’ve seen a ghost!” she told me.
“Ha ha, Mom, that joke never grows old,” Mom told her.
Nina Note: Mom and I were the only two who could see Grandma’s ghost.
Grandma floated up to me. “No, I mean it, she looks a little pale.”
Dad walked over and sniffed me. “The tiger in me senses fear.” He straightened up. “Nixy, honey I’ve never smelled fear on you before.”
“I have!” Frank said looking up from his pancakes. “Back in our old town whenever that cute Harris Manson would walk by.”
“That wasn’t fear, it was anticipation!” I told my little bro. “But that’s history now. I’m over my first crush.”
“Honey, we’re never really over our first crush,” Aunt Mika said. “Mine was Elvis. That man had moves!”
Grandma put her hands on me and looked into my eyes. “No, this isn’t about a silly boy crush. This is different. So much different, and different in a bad way!”
I nodded. “I think I saw a Glitter.”
Nobody from my family seemed surprised. Well, Frank did, but pretty much everything surprised Frank. “What? Wait? No! Wait, what’s a Glitter?”
Mumford pulled out a chair and calmly poured me a glass of tomato juice. “Please sit and tell us what happened while I prepare a pink grapefruit for you…” he said.
Sitting down in the chair I lo
oked at my family. “None of you seem surprised,” I said.
“I’m surprised! I’m shocked!! I’m confused!!!” Frank said. He grinned. “But I guess I’m always pretty much surprised. I love that life always surprises me.” His train of thought got back on track. “But Glitters! Yuck! How weird!! By the way, what are Glitters?”
Nina Note: I could see why other girls liked Frank so much, but to me, he was my dumb little brother (who happened to be huge). He was sweet and innocent, though.
“They are bad news,” Mumford said, serving me a pink grapefruit with a hint of sugar on it. Wow, this mummy knew what I liked.
“Oh, okay,” Frank said. He started eating bacon. He looked up. “Wait bad is bad, right?”
“Very bad,” Mom said. “Glitters grow in energy from making humans do bad or silly things. Like eating their own poop or smearing their faces with mash potatoes, stuff like that. Or even worse…”
“How do they do that?” I asked.
“If they hit or sprinkle their Glitter on a human or humans they do bad or whacky things. They grow stronger by causing chaos. Glitters just love chaos.”
“Good thing we’re not humans then,” Frank said. Another pause. “Wait, am I human? I like humans. They are nice to me.”
“Technically, son, you are a human,” Dad said.
“Oh good!” Frank said. “Oh wait, that’s bad!” He flexed his muscles. “How do we fight these things?”
“Frank dear, just sit there and be quiet please,” Mom ordered in her vampire voice.
“Can I eat?” he asked.
“Of course, dear,” she said.
Mom looked at me. “Nina, honey...” Mom paused, thinking of the right words.
Nina Note: Whenever Mom calls me Nina...I know it’s serious!
Dad jumped in. “We kind of knew this might happen. That’s why we moved here. I had computed that this would become a Glitter stronghold. A place they could grow in power.”